Saturday, April 4, 2020

COVID-19: Diary of an Author-Intuitive

Dear Diary,

Healing Powers of Red
I admit it. I am scared -- and I lied to a town poster telling him I didn't own fear...  

Everyone is fighting. More people are dying. Tourists from SAC and my home in the SF Bay Area are flocking to our mountain town -- and infecting us, taking our food and supplies, and in denial or do not care we don't have enough for our own. And the country officials know it and are trying to deter the interlopers. My sibling is withdrawing. Callers from New York to SoCal on the networks are all telling me intimate details about how Covid-19 is affecting them and their new lives...

Guardian Angels
Women want their men -- but they are AWOL like during war time. I tell them to be patient. One caller's bf is a dedicated ER doctor upstate New York. She is in New Jersey and wonders why he won't see her. She doesn't get it. I looked it up online. Correct. Virus cases are soaring; we only have 22 and probably 300 by the end of the week; they have 300 already. I felt her fear but she was out of touch to world in a dark place. Her man is an angel doing what he does -- saving lives. "Chill" I advised. "I sense your man is an angel at work. He is exhausted, he told you that. Let him sleep. You two will be together within the week." Time was up. I heard the dial tone. I was glad. He is an amazing and dedicated guardian angel on Earth-- why couldn't she see it?

This is Contagion
Our town people are bickering online via our town paper. We asked tourists to stay home but they come. It's too surreal. We are not working together. People here are working against one another. The anxiety I feel comes in waves. At night I awake at 3:00 A.M. This is new for me. Usually I sleep well. The dog and cat wake me by 6:00 and I get up and go through the motions.
The President is sending 1000 military to New York--a place where my publisher for 21 years has been. I remember 9-11 and was working with the people who told me the horror they witnessed. This is like that -- but different.

Distracted and Isolated
Sure, I worked on an assigned article. Then, the book edits for my new release in December. I don't even know who will still be here on the planet to read it. Maybe it will be my legacy, my last book--9 is a number of completion. 
How far is this mega virus challenge going to go? I know the world as we knew it is over -- but what if this really is the beginning of the end?
It's not a stupid flu bug -- it's a highly contagious and sometimes deadly virus and nobody is immune. Young and old are getting it -- and dying like war victims. Not enough news on the survivors.
I ordered a mask online -- it's arriving this week. The CDC recommends us to wear it. I sense I'll be wearing it even when my sibling is around. I don't feel safe. A GP telemedicine visit  this week...I am going to tell him I feel fine -- but my stress level is on roller coaster mode when I tune into what is happening to our world. 
My cabin? Serene. It is supposed to snow tonight. I was going to make a fire. I was going to act like all is under control.  But the world is so out of control. And I don't feel grounded. I hear the clock chimes and cuddle my fluffy Australian shepherd while feeling the Siamese Zen curled in my lap. Stay in the moment...

Cabin Fever 
I want to swim. Shutdown. I want to walk the dog. It's not safe. I don't want to go out there.  Dark Seekers like in "I Am Legend." I streamed a film earlier. The people shot the infected ones with disfigured faces from an infection. The pilot shot herself. I tuned out. Every day I hear gruesome reports of store fights In Los Angeles and people on edge at the stores here in NorCal -- with empty shelves. I want martial law. I want this to end. I want to pack a knapsack, sleeping bag, my dog and go back in time to a safe place.

I have nowhere to go.  Trapped.  I hate Covid-19.  The world is dark and I am dreading the next week ahead.  God, please make this virus peak, decline, and let our world heal. We are hurting. Help us. Are you there? Hello. Can  you hear me? Hello?

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