Wednesday, April 29, 2020

COVID-19 Diary of an Author-Intuitive

By Cal Orey
Lockdown 2 in Fall
Dear Diary,

It's been 10 days since I've come here. I feel like I'm a character in "I Am Legend" and I want out of the film. Every time I sense it may be safe and we could be getting back to normal it only gets worse...
Sixty thousand deaths, one million infected in the U.S. We are losing the battle. Hope for a new antiviral drug but testing should take years, not months. A new vaccine by September but only if we had the luxury of time on our side. We do not. The nation and world are being tested--physically, mentally, financially...
China is out and about... but they, like us, are wary of the new normal. They, like us, know another draconian lockdown can happen in a heartbeat. I cannot believe how we got here. And I blame mankind. This virus is not just any virus. It is smart and was created to depopulate and make it as painful as possible.
An oasis for my summer
This morning when the sibling, my forager went to our friendly supermarket I got a phone call. "The toilet paper? Gouging. Same with paper towels. No dried fruit. Forget kale." I go online and am greeted with: "Out of Stock" at all websites. My heart races. I call the store manager and tell her she is gouging like they did in 1999. And I Googled how the store chain did this to HI after the hurricane. Humanity is lost.

Give Me Liberty
Jewish in New York to Vegas party-goers are rebelling. They want to live life like it was before the pandemic. Don't we all want to go back in time. The deal is, by loosening lockdown we will get a resurgence and end up like China. Strick lockdown two by fall. We're in a Catch-22. And I am angry.
Today, walking and driving the dog around town, I am seeing it. The beaches are getting more crowded, campers are setting up, and the store? Well, they took all the toilet paper. Gone. I do not like people right now. I am frustrated. I am angry. I am scared. 

Psychic Networks
Today, a regular caller rang me. I said, "You got laid off?" She paused and answered, "Yes. I'm shaking in my boots." I predicted it. I knew it was going to happen. Heart beating again. I talk her down and advise her to chill and do not sell her new home. Then, on FB a poster posted: Covid Statistic. Another one. And the call an hour later: "My bf is sick." He is in Michigan--a hot spot. And I am on overload.
I signed out then and now. Calls from the UK to the Northeast and West Coast. It's all the same. The deaths are spiking. Some callers are in denial and ask about money or love. We will all go back in our homes come fall. No swimming. No travel. Canada has not re-opened their borders. More Canadians are dying. No book signings at all now or later. Four hundred bookstores closed. And it's not over.

Defeat Depression
Making Zen Spots for Sanity
The gardening, walking my dog, cuddling my cat, bonding with my brother--help. But I need more. Last night I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned. I proofed my articles. Did they overlap? Yes? No? Our world is more unbalanced than ever before. We are fighting and not coming together. Politics before humanity. If there are aliens they know we don't know what we're doing. And being highly sensitive I feel the toxic energy from coast to coast--30,000 feet above and six feet under.
I want to run away. Brother talks of fleeing to Idaho. By fall all the borders may be shut. We could be under Martial Law. I asked him, "Why didn't you ever teach me how to shoot a gun?" I need to feel protected.

This summer I will be buying cedar trees to make a fortress from the invaders who will be infecting us and stealing our food at the stores.The MASH tents? The will finally be used. And me? Still healthy but I am not invincible. The virus, man-made, is smart and it is out smarting the world.
We are losing the battle...Forcing meat plants and wet markets to carry on? Opening schools and non-essential workplaces. Allowing hair salons, gyms, casinos, and hotels to re-open. I feel sick. I have lost 10 pounds. A perfect size 4. But I feel like I'm fading phase apathy. I don't care anymore. I feel more isolated than when I write a book. It's worse. I cannot escape. I feel trapped. No control. Too much uncertainty, like Anne Frank waiting for the enemy to knock on the door.  The political are fighting for freedom--but in reality are killing mankind.

Sunday, April 19, 2020

COVID-19 Diary of an Author-Intuitive

By Cal Orey
The pandemic is in a new phase now. It's gone political big-time. People are divided more than ever. Half are protesting. "Freedom!" and they are tuning out the medical experts like Dr. Fauci. They're wanting to dump the savvy 1, 2, 3 guidelines and go back outside, go to work, and go back to our pre-pandemic days. Right...
The deal is, it's too soon! Today, 41,000 deaths in the U.S. and 3/4 million are infected. This is not "fear mongering" or "fake news"--it's the real deal. I've wasted my day trying to convince people to not be hasty. Chill. Why do we want to run not walk  into a lethal second wave? One mega lockdown is enough. We're not there yet. But people are being led down the wrong path.
My God. People who run grocery stores, big and small, are considering not allowing folks inside to do their own food shopping. Why? Because grocery store workers are getting infected and dying! Governors get it. Well, some do. Concerts, golf tournaments, schools not ready to reopen and act like life is normal. Life is not anywhere normal. Yet we have protesters shouting, "Freedom!" Huh? Hello. We are in a mega pandemic and states, many states have not peaked. Translation: More deaths are coming to you soon. 

Loving Your Comfort Zone
As an author I live an introvert's lifestyle. Being stuck at home is nothing new. I get cabin fever and yes, I have it now. I have no resort pool/hot tub. No casino. No traveling to Canada to see those northern lights. CLOSED. I feel it. However, every summer when the world is outside having fun I have had to adapt and hunker down to finish a book on deadline. How? How exactly do I do that?
Hmmm. Chocolate. Tea. Coffee. Repeat. And nutrient-dense food. Also, last year I put a lot of energy into making the deck, front and backyard cozy with tons of rocks, pathway stones, patio furniture complete with umbrellas, solar lights, cozy chair cushions, faux ivy and lavender flowers surrounded by live cacti. It is my sanctuary.
And walking the action-oriented dog with a lake view and towering pine trees helps a lot--like today. We are calm. Exercise works! At night when it's cool, building a fire and sipping a cup of hot chocolate is comforting. Enjoying cable, pine trees outside to admire from every window helps me stay connected to Mother Nature. I'm good. But the protesters are not grounded. At all and they are putting themselves and others in the line of danger...

People Don't Get It
Protesters are losing their grip on reality. If they get their freedom to invade their world as it once was they will likely be infected or infect others. And then we will have to play the lockdown game again and again. Of course, it may happen anyhow but if the "freedom fighters" continue on their mission they're going to make their lives even more miserable. It's time to chill and listen to the medical gurus not the politicians who say, "Get out and go to work." They do not care about us--they care about the crashing economy.
My motto: Health before money. Fact: If you don't have your health you will not be able to use your cash flow six feet under. It will be useless. 
In my twenties, I hitchhiked across America and through Canada. I had my health as I still do but I had no money. Not a dime. I was happy. Sure, I wanted my own house for comfort for me and my dog but I did have freedom. A lot.
These days, I do have the home, the dog, and freedom. I sense puppy would be happy either way but at night he is spoiled all cozy indoors in my bed. And food? Well, we've got plenty and structure.
Still, I was patient unlike the protesters. I scrubbed toilets while in grad school and paid my dues to be able to enjoy the comfort I have today. And right now I do have gratitude to live in the mountains, be in a cozy, peaceful cabin, sharing my life with a fluffy canine and affectionate cat, and have my beloved family living behind me.

Everyone Pays a Price--It's Time to Breathe
Life is what you make it. I get it. There are people who cannot work remotely. There are people who must work jobs that are dangerous, such as nurses, doctors, grocery store workers and more.  Telecommuting doesn't work for some. But people are thinking outside of the box for now. Some doctors are doing telemedicine, grocery stores are opting to offer pick up or delivery, nurses and doctors at hospitals are not as fortunate and they are our heroes in the line of fire fighting a smart virus that is outsmarting us.

For now, we have to be bold, patient, and hang in there if we want our freedom--again. Will it ever be the same? Probably not. Will it get better? Most likely. But like anything worthwhile we have to pay the price and fight for something that we really want. And I can tell you we will get our freedom as I did but it will not happen over night or tomorrow.  It's time to chill and take one day at a time. Everyone pays a price. This time we are supposed to be doing it together or it will not work.

Thursday, April 16, 2020

COVID-19: Diary of an Author Intuitive

By Cal Orey  Dear Diary,

Gardening is on my agenda

Lockdown...Month 2. Politics.  The social-distancing protesters are here and everywhere. I will not fight anymore. It's everyone for themselves. It is political and we are divided. The scientists, medical researchers, and doctors know best. They've been there, done that as I have as a journalist. Let the deniers take off their masks and end up overwhelming the hospitals...more lockdowns. Because that is in the cards. Hasty actions will only make this nightmare worse. 

Pandemic, a New World Full of Chaos and Challenges
A lot has happened since I've come here. Deaths. Quakes. Tornadoes. Deaths. And social unrest.  I have to say people are being pro-active but divided more than ever before. Good things, bad things are going on. It's the End of the World as We Know it...And I feel fine to The End by The Doors play in my head day and night.
It's a time for self-preservation. Opening up the Midwest and staying home on the West Coast. Sounds good to me. Lately I've realized once again that it's not that life is too short. It's more that you can be blindsided by anything any time. BAM! And then you either bond or grow apart with family, friends, and humanity.
I miss my sanctuary...CLOSED
Right now the world and nation are bickering about everything. I'm trying not to argue but sometimes I have to speak out about wet markets to inhumane actions.

Social isolation is nothing new for me. As an author it's my life. Welcome to it. But with doors closed to the resort pool, borders closed to other states and countries--I've got cabin fever.

Out There Where the Dark Seekers Are
Today, I drove around town. It looks like off season at Lake Tahoe. Beauty and Mother Nature. But something is different. Signs at casinos are new: "Stay Home, Save Lives." Few people are seen. A couple at a beach. No boats on the lake. No shops open. The town is shutdown. One month down. Word is another month to go.
I'm okay. Dog needs his nail trimmed soon. No roots on my curly hair show yet. Teeth cleaning is scheduled for May 26. All is good. It's safe for now. Inside my cabin it's still calm. Living an author's lifestyle is serene if you forgot about deadlines. A dog. A cat. A sibling in the back house. These are the things that keep me grounded.  Not to forgot my hands and cuticles are dry to protect myself from the germs in our new world.

Food: Foraging and Panic Buying
I am now 50 percent vegan, 122 lbs
Those days were not fun. Going online and four different stores to get needed food. It was scary and stressful. But we did it. Now, I have a stuffed pantry, the way it should be. However, if a second wave comes -- and I predict it will in the fall we will be a bit ahead. Food check. Personal items check. Pet food check. And OTC pain relievers, soap, shampoo, root touch up, and other necessities. 
Be prepared as Scar sang in "The Lion King". Nah, I won't get political...but there is an uncanny look alike thing and the king is scary. My December trip to Alaska was foreshadow of rocky times: Food shortage, no northern lights, and isolation in my hotel room due to an unsafe place because of fog and ice the schools and non-essential work places were closed...kind of like now.

Autumn Northern Lights

The world is divided...It's not safe
Yes, I want to book the flight to Calgary. I need to see the northern lights. The "Call of the Wild" film teased me. My Aussie watched Buck with me--three times. It was a sign. I have to go. I have a mask. I am healthy. 
But Canada's border may still be closed. And if it's not I may get stuck on a plane and quarantine. The airline has my money in a lock box...only first class and coach. No food which I never ate anyhow. But getting stuck would be the biggest game changer. I couldn't deal being away from my home and loved ones and deal with strangers in hazmat suits.

During a quick telemedicine visit I asked my GP: "Will I be able to go to Canada in the fall?" Pregnant pause. I suppose March 2021 is Plan B.  I want to escape. Traveling allows me to feel alive, connected to humans. I miss that and fun adventures into the unknown. Ironically, we are living an adventure. It's called meet and greet the smart virus -- maybe man-made. Or not. But it is mean. It is unpredictable. And our pre-pandemic life is gone forever. Life continues on but we're not out of the woods. At all.

Thursday, April 9, 2020

Surprise Superfoods in Easter Muffins

Carrot Muffins Good as Gold
 By Cal Orey

Traditional Easter for me as a kid included a baked ham, scalloped potatoes, biscuits and honey, carrots, and a coconut bunny cake. This year I decided to fast forward for health’s sake – and change things up a up a bit for the rabbit, me and you. I’m talking breakfast muffins – with some good stuff – hidden treasures in them.
Muffins contain SUPERFOODS: carrots, eggs, nuts, berries
Due to challenges beyond our control, grocery shopping has become a new job. It seems like the cost has skyrocketed for flour and eggs – two staples for baking. One day when I realized my cake flour had expired. I went the supermarket. No flour. Online I was greeted with “Out of Stock” or “Delivery in May”! I was a time traveler zapped into the Great Depression. I almost sprung for my favorite gourmet flour found online until the delivery charge shot up to 25 bucks! No way. Then, I heard a knock on the front door. My sibling, now the hunter scored a bag of flour! I literally shouted, “Flour!” as though he caught a huge marlin.

 Some days I get images of the film “Soylent Green” eating scene when actors Charlton Heston and Edward G. Robinson dine on scarce foods -- lettuce, a pot of stew and apples. The good news:  Sugar? Confectioners’ granulated, and raw all have a long shelf life. And thanks to my latest book in production, I’m good with spices – and you should be too to flavor and healthy up your dishes!
 So, sit back, cozy up and read the recipe. Then, this week bake a batch of carrot muffins (cupcakes call for cake flour for a thinner batter, whereas muffins use any other flour) for you, yours, and the Easter Bunny!

Chunky Carrot Muffins

1 ¼ cups butter (I used European style)
1 cup brown sugar
½ cup granulated sugar
3 brown eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
½ cup water
2 ½ cups self-rising flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon allspice
2 – 2 ½ cups carrots, shredded
½ cup golden raisins
½ cup dried pineapple, chopped (optional)
½ cup nuts, chopped (hazelnuts or walnuts)
Confectioner's or raw sugar (for topping)

Combine sugar and butter in a bowl. Add eggs, vanilla, and water. Mix well. Add dry ingredients, flour, spices. Fold in carrots, raisins, and nuts. Use a 1/3 cup ice cream scoop and drop batter into cupcake lined tin pans. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes or until golden brown and firm to touch. Cool completely. Makes 14.

Topping: Sprinkle with confectioners' or raw sugar.  Garnish with fresh mint or basil. Use carrot edible sugar decoration toppers for cakes and cupcakes are found online. Or you can make a quick fluffy cream cheese frosting: In a bowl, beat ½ cup heavy whipped cream (or store-bought ready- made whipped cream); whip until stiff peaks form. Blend in ½ cup whipped cream cheese, ½ cup confectioners’ sugar, 1 capful vanilla extract. Drop a small dollop (or pipe the frosting) on each muffin.

 So, these carrot muffins may not be a 20th century large double layer coconut bunny cake with vanilla frosting and jelly beans.  But they’re worth the time to bake and eat.  It’s springtime – a time for renewal. Savor a 21st century muffin – with a hot cup of herbal tea and enjoy the moment. Taste and smell the fresh muffin. Some things – like carrot muffins infused with nature’s foods – are as good as gold.

— Cal Orey, M.A., is an author and journalist. Her books include the Healing Powers Series (Vinegar, Olive Oil, Chocolate, Honey, Coffee, Tea, Superfoods, and Essential Oils) published by Kensington. (The collection has been featured by the Good Cook Book Club.)  Her website is .

COVID-19: Diary of an Author-Intuitive

By Cal Orey

Dear Diary,

It's been a while but I find myself coming back to you to feel connected or alive--in my safe zone. During the Covid-19 shutdown (more than three weeks) so many changes have occurred in the world that it is mind boggling. Humans seem to adapt -- especially when there are not a lot of choices if we are to survive and carry one...

Survival Instinct, Doing Without for Health's Sake
Isolation is nothing new for me

We are all adapting to the big stuff -- testing, counting infected, deaths, ventilators, and our loved ones. So silly day-to-day changes seem petty. I feel like a hypocrite. When callers ring me from around the globe and ask about love -- it bores me. But now more calls always have Covid-19 as part of the problem -- my interest is there, sort of. But my loves are my Zen and Skyler -- two Fire Sign companion animals that help keep me grounded. 

Life without swimming, travel plans, seeing people on the street is eerie like a sci-fi ghost town when our tourism hub usually is overflowing with tourists.  That said, this is like off season -- a time when locals rejoice that the town is ours. But it's different. 
However, without the resort pool and hot tub (my oasis to beat cabin fever) I am a bit down. Note to self: To get that endorphin boost I will get on the treadmill -- today.

Watching and reading about lives lost, death counts (taking me back to the sixties' war), ventilators that actually do not work, and infected numbers in hot zones is sobering. But, but, but California is getting credit for our social distancing earlier than later. I give kudos to Governor Newsom (I've sent him several emails), medical experts like Dr. Fauci and others who are our heroes.

Life Goes On

The word is we are flattening the curve. This gives me hope. Also, while deaths continue -- more sparks of hope are spreading like wildfire. We will survive. No, we will never go back to the way we were. Life was safer. It's sort of like after 9-11. Changes took place.
Flying was a different experience -- big time. Trust was lost.  Hate crimes soared. People were wary of anyone and everyone. Now, it's is sort of like that. A new normal.  As an introvert, the changes taking place, such as not shaking hands or running out to crowded events doesn't bother me. This is my lifestyle. But no travel because of shut borders is one of the biggest changes that is difficult. 

Doctors and Vets for the Dog and Me

Yesterday, I had a quick telemedicine appointment with my general practitioner. Yep, anxiety hits. The visit was comfy. After all, my doctor of two decades got to meet my Aussie. How cozy is that. 
I called the vet -- no bath (I will do it myself in a few weeks when the weather warms up) but the techs will do nail trims. They will come outdoors to the car and take the animal and do the procedure and bring him back. I'm good, dog good. We got this.

Beauty and the Beast to Traveling out of the Country

News anchors are talking about how scruffy they look. The men say they need a haircut. The women show their hair root growth. Me? Well, I got my highlights and lowlights the day before lockdown (it pays to be intuitive). Then, the other day I ordered an online pricey powder root touch up which I'll probably use in May or June--I am sensing we stay be in partial lockdown...
I can do this. In the past I'll go three to four months without hair coloring because the chemicals are strong. Plus, it's my style to get it done before a trip... I asked the good doctor yesterday, "Will I be able to fly to Canada in the fall?" Pregnant pause. He knows I'm healthy... But he also knows I gravitate up north where the borders are closed.  Someone told me the other day that March is the best month to see the northern lights in Canada. It will still be cold...maybe that is the month I'll book the trip. After all, the airline extended the lockbox wallet with money and vouchers for another year.  The airlines are hurting.

Less TV, Less News is Calming -- to Book Sales

Perhaps people are a bit more chill -- including me -- because we're getting uses to the new normal -- and flattening the curve (less infected people) is working. Social distancing, less frantic panic buying and hoarding (but it is still going on), trying to adapt to cabin fever and the uncertainty of the world.
We know we are now in a Great Recession -- worse than in 2008. That was the time I lost my magazine gigs (five in one month). I took a real writing job for a luxury real estate firm. It was like a "The Devil Wears Prada" sequel. But I survived. And my publisher brought me back on board. 
Several books later -- #9 in progress but who knows what will happen.  For some reason, my books are selling. HONEY is #1 bestseller on amazon. I was told COFFEE, HONEY, and VINEGAR 3rd ed. -- all went back to press:  12,000 copies in a few weeks. Not Stephen King -- but good for a workerbee author-journalist. And I am writing health articles! Feeling blessed to be working. Exhale.

Springtime is Here...They will come
in the Summer...

The critters are outside. I hear a bird or two trying to build a nest. Chirping and now the dog is barking. The snow is melting. A bird feeder, pre-gardening, and sunshine is next up. I hear a lot of birds this morning.  
Life changes. It's a wake-up call. Humans are not invincible. We need to take each day, one by one, because you never know what is going to happen.

Saturday, April 4, 2020

COVID-19: Diary of an Author-Intuitive

Dear Diary,

Healing Powers of Red
I admit it. I am scared -- and I lied to a town poster telling him I didn't own fear...  

Everyone is fighting. More people are dying. Tourists from SAC and my home in the SF Bay Area are flocking to our mountain town -- and infecting us, taking our food and supplies, and in denial or do not care we don't have enough for our own. And the country officials know it and are trying to deter the interlopers. My sibling is withdrawing. Callers from New York to SoCal on the networks are all telling me intimate details about how Covid-19 is affecting them and their new lives...

Guardian Angels
Women want their men -- but they are AWOL like during war time. I tell them to be patient. One caller's bf is a dedicated ER doctor upstate New York. She is in New Jersey and wonders why he won't see her. She doesn't get it. I looked it up online. Correct. Virus cases are soaring; we only have 22 and probably 300 by the end of the week; they have 300 already. I felt her fear but she was out of touch to world in a dark place. Her man is an angel doing what he does -- saving lives. "Chill" I advised. "I sense your man is an angel at work. He is exhausted, he told you that. Let him sleep. You two will be together within the week." Time was up. I heard the dial tone. I was glad. He is an amazing and dedicated guardian angel on Earth-- why couldn't she see it?

This is Contagion
Our town people are bickering online via our town paper. We asked tourists to stay home but they come. It's too surreal. We are not working together. People here are working against one another. The anxiety I feel comes in waves. At night I awake at 3:00 A.M. This is new for me. Usually I sleep well. The dog and cat wake me by 6:00 and I get up and go through the motions.
The President is sending 1000 military to New York--a place where my publisher for 21 years has been. I remember 9-11 and was working with the people who told me the horror they witnessed. This is like that -- but different.

Distracted and Isolated
Sure, I worked on an assigned article. Then, the book edits for my new release in December. I don't even know who will still be here on the planet to read it. Maybe it will be my legacy, my last book--9 is a number of completion. 
How far is this mega virus challenge going to go? I know the world as we knew it is over -- but what if this really is the beginning of the end?
It's not a stupid flu bug -- it's a highly contagious and sometimes deadly virus and nobody is immune. Young and old are getting it -- and dying like war victims. Not enough news on the survivors.
I ordered a mask online -- it's arriving this week. The CDC recommends us to wear it. I sense I'll be wearing it even when my sibling is around. I don't feel safe. A GP telemedicine visit  this week...I am going to tell him I feel fine -- but my stress level is on roller coaster mode when I tune into what is happening to our world. 
My cabin? Serene. It is supposed to snow tonight. I was going to make a fire. I was going to act like all is under control.  But the world is so out of control. And I don't feel grounded. I hear the clock chimes and cuddle my fluffy Australian shepherd while feeling the Siamese Zen curled in my lap. Stay in the moment...

Cabin Fever 
I want to swim. Shutdown. I want to walk the dog. It's not safe. I don't want to go out there.  Dark Seekers like in "I Am Legend." I streamed a film earlier. The people shot the infected ones with disfigured faces from an infection. The pilot shot herself. I tuned out. Every day I hear gruesome reports of store fights In Los Angeles and people on edge at the stores here in NorCal -- with empty shelves. I want martial law. I want this to end. I want to pack a knapsack, sleeping bag, my dog and go back in time to a safe place.

I have nowhere to go.  Trapped.  I hate Covid-19.  The world is dark and I am dreading the next week ahead.  God, please make this virus peak, decline, and let our world heal. We are hurting. Help us. Are you there? Hello. Can  you hear me? Hello?

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

COVID-19: DIARY of an Author-Intuitive

6.5 near Yellowstone; 4.5
rocked the cabin last Monday
By Cal Orey

Hey, I've been away for a while. The world is a ball of madness. The song by R.E.M. "It's the end of the world as we know it"--"But I feel fine" plays in my mind. "It starts with an earthquake"... Sadly, the song mirrors real life since our world has changed.

As a highly sensitive person I can tell you the drama has unbalanced my mind. Soaking up the toxic energy of our planet is taking a toll on my inner peace. So much insanity.  Too much. Overwhelmed. And nowhere to escape except at night when I sleep...
Eight to 10 Americans isolated at home. The next two weeks will be challenging, warn the medical experts, with sobering numbers of deaths spiking. Unemployment soars, food hoarding continues, price gouging online, and farmers talks about potential food shortages, perhaps, in the future--like we see in other countries. People are fighting and looting. 

So much uncertainty of the post-pandemic makes me think being in the eye of the contagion seems safer because we know it.

Last night I was awakened by a phone call at 1:30 A.M. I forgot to sign out of the psychic network. The caller's concerns bored me. I didn't care. She was demanding, selfish, and no wonder her AWOL mate said he was done. I was there but not there. Earlier in the evening a 6.5 rocked Idaho; about 300 miles from Yellowstone, felt in six states. When a caller grilled me about her love life I didn't hear her words about romance.  She didn't mind that the Earth moved. It makes me think these people are out of touch or maybe trying to grab on to someone--anyone to hold.

Alone More, Feeling Numb

Ironically, I am feeling so disconnected. Sure, my loyal companion animals are my anchor to life as it was pre-pandemic. But now, I'm going through the motions like walking through an airport and not knowing anyone. I want to escape and go back to our world the way it was in 2019.  No pool to swim. No travel. No real friends. Sick of the cyber world--and the millennials I can see outside the front window these days because they are home. Not a care in the world. They laugh. They're good, they said. But their parents are old and frail. Are they blind to the fact they could be infected?
While I have book edits and article assignments, I sense the distance from my friendly editors 3000 miles away. They, too are being pulled out of their comfort zone into a battle of their own. Actually, the phone conversation with a friendly accountant and a doctor who came through with an interview for the story I'm working on, were the best connections I've made all week. 

On Number Overload

So many projections of deaths, confirmed cases, and watching lifeless bodies being put into cold trucks. It's like a "Soylent Green" sequel that I've watched and thought, "Can this really happen?" And in "Contagion" Matt Damon's character, the dutiful dad grabbed his daughter's bf off of her outdoors--during social distancing. I try and do the same, warning my brother of infecting us without thinking. He is restless and was talking of going to a hot tub party... I cannot control his actions. I am on my own.

I have mega cabin fever. It's like when I'm working months on a book but those days I have a trip planned--my reward. This time, there is no trip. Just vouchers that sit in a Delta lockbox for another year. Sure, Tahoe is a beautiful place to be in lockdown but you can be anywhere and still be in a funk.
Watching the healthcare workers go through hellish working conditions is painful to watch. My biggest fear would be to get sick, taken away by a faceless human clad in a hazmat suit. I'd be forced inside a tent containment center left to die with  sick strangers,  in limbo till the last breath. No furry friends to hug.

So Hello Structure

Today, I am going to take a break. Treadmill, spring clean so those spring allergies don't confuse me into thinking, "Do I have the illness?" I am looking forward to spring weather despite we have a late winter storm rolling in this weekend. Another fire or two...But gardening, sunshine, and wishing and envisioning some sort of normalcy in late June. 
Dog teeth cleaning, my teeth cleaning, hair highlights (good now because I knew this isolation was on its way), and maybe swimming. Or not. I know these things will be done...and giving the Aussie a bath in a few weeks when it warms up will be a sign that fresh life will blossom as the trees will sprout and flowers greet locals. 

It will be okay, right? It has to be.