Sunday, July 26, 2009

Dog Duo to Wed Woman: Turkey Dinner for Three

Engagement Dinner
By Cal Orey

"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotions."
Yesterday I decided to go with the flow and let my romance life go to the dogs... I got engaged to my two Brittany spaniels (with French roots) Simon and Seth. I was at Sessions, the hair salon that caters to blushing brides (Lake Tahoe is the hot spot for getting hitched). I said to my stylist (as she was putting reddish highlights into my blonde hair to match my two four-legged orange and white boys) that I felt left out because I didn't walk down an aisle, wear a winning dress, or exchange vows. I added, "I'm in love with Seth and Simon, my two fun-loving, loyal dogs." And then, that is the exact moment when I decided I was going to get engaged and marry my dog duo... Back at home, I googled "Woman Marries Dog" and it seems it has only been done in other countries--not in America--so I may be the first dog lady to take the big leap. I got busy and rang up two ministers. I'm waiting to find out which one will snag the offbeat event with two bird dogs and their loving, idealistic Catholic mistress. (I don't believe a priest will provide this service.) Meanwhile, I'm shopping online for Brittany rings and/or bracelets and special collars (for the boys)--something budget-smart, simple and sophisticated to finalize our engagement. And a must-have is a dog-loving photographer to shoot photos to cherish. (And it gets more doggone crazy. I'm actually humming to the lyrics of the oldie but goodies--"Going to the Chapel of Love" and "Puppy Love.")

The wedding will be a late autumn event. It will be at a Dogs Allowed beach on the Nevada side or amid towering pine trees and golden aspens at my home. It's undecided. A minister (I pray) will perform the "Commitment Ceremony" service for two dogs and their human mistress. I prefer this occassion to be a small Mediterrnean-style event. The boys, Simon, 6, and Seth, 3, will be clad in black turtleneck sweaters with white bow ties. I will wear a long off white sweater dress with sunflowers in my hair. The wedding cake (made special in Reno) will include vinegar, olive oil, and carob (dogs cannot eat chocolate)--to follow the advice in my Healing Powers books series. And, the honeymoon? Most likely, it will be an unforgettable night with dog movies, room service, and lots of cuddles and doggie kisses. I hope we can enjoy this time together at a Lake Tahoe European-style dog-friendly hotel.

So, as I plan for all the dog-human wedding arrangements I'm going to celebrate tonight and prepare a Mediterranean dish that I can share with my canines.
For the dogs, I'm whipping up tasty appetizers--dog biscuits Simon and Seth will roll over for! Cheese Dog Biscuits: The ingredients include oat flour, cheddar cheese, water, and olive oil. The recipe is found on page 156 in my book The Healing Powers of Olive Oil (published by Kensington). And, because my pooches are bird chasers I'm going to cook up an organic turkey--a gift. It will not be stuffed, however, I will baste it with all-natural olive oil and honey--two ingredients used in doggie treats. (The roasted potatoes and walnut garnish are for moi--not for my "fiance(s)".) It will be the Wedding engagement dinner fit for two dogs and their devoted guardian, soon to be "wife." We all three will be wagging our tails. This is going to be the beginning of an unforgettable wedding that I never got and always dreamed of getting.
One More Thing: If you're wondering about this animal-human marriage thing, stop wondering. Wikipedia dishes up a dog's tail list of who and where it's been done. (BTW: My roots are Osage it possible that's where this spiritual desire is rooted from or maybe I just am a fool in love.)


  1. I love my dogs. They provide unconditional love--always there for me and it's give and take. Oh yeah, they don't hog the bed, keep me warm at night, and no snoring. In the daytime, companionship, help me predict quakes, jog outdoors with me/treadmill indoors w/me (refer to I Am Legend), we watch Animal Planet, and they love my kind of music. When I'm on radio shows they keep me company: Seth curls up in the catnapper, Simon under my feet. I'm in love.

  2. I want to marry my Siamese cat. He is independent and the love of my life.

  3. Hi Callie,
    Love to serve as minister for your wedding if you haven't got a minister. Have you registered at any stores? Have you got the plans for the honeymoon?

    Hope to hear from you soon.
    Big Bird

  4. I may take you up on your offer if I cannot get a dog-loving minister to oblige my request. Stay tuned. Will be making calls this week. I read that a woman in another country got a priest to marry her and her canine. And 100 villagers came to the wedding.

  5. I think I've got the photographer--that's important. Note to self: Must get engagement rings/collars. Earthy girl/dogs here. Don't want anything to pricey or full of flash. Simple.

  6. I know more people that are fanatical about their dogs. Since I "love my cat" I don't quite understand the dog concept at totally eludes me. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't detract from the independent nature of my cat and marry him. I just look at him as more my equal than my object of affection! Just proves to me that this world is truly going to the dogs! Anything for publicity I suppose!

  7. Hi Anonymous. Well, I believe more people have cats than dogs. I love my cat Kerouac. He's 10+, a black, gregarious, intelligent, seismically sensitive and we have a very close cat-human bond. He raised my two Brittanys-such patience. But taking a feline to the Lake may be a challenge (he's an indoor only puss).

    Anyhow, this ceremony is being done for making a statement (I never have been married and feel badly about that, sort of); respect my dogs 100%--we have a grr-eat relationship. But there is a glitch. A minister in NV at the hotel of my choice can't perform the "mock" ceremony for dogs-human; seniors; or anyone who wants to do it. It's illegal. Go figure.


  9. Getting mixed views on the dog engagement/ wedding. Go figure. The relationship is platonic. I guess I'm not suprised some folks don't approve. Should we just elope? Dazed and confused.

  10. Loyalty is good, something you can't always get with humans. Following you dreams don't let others discouraged you. Love comes in many flavors. It's beautiful that you making this great gesture.

    Go for it. Make a special commitment to your dear friends and follow your heart.

    Woof, woof, woof, good luck fellows.

  11. Update: Mixed feelings are setting in. Cold feet? Some folks think I'm nuts and will stir the pot (huh? I just love my fur boys) by getting hitched to my pooches.
    I did get some calls:
    * Rev.: Wants to charge $300--no piece of paper to verify our commitment. Seems a bit unfair to me. No piece of paper? Huh? And he didn't seem like a dog lover. At all.
    * Minister at Hotel in NV: Refused. Said he my lose license. Note: Does not not have dogs.
    * Dog Bakery in Redding: They do not ship doggie wedding cakes.
    * Dog Barkery in Reno: No callback. I may call them (again).
    * No black turtleneck sweaters in stock at Petsupermarket or the other pet shop in town. Would have to special order.
    * Found the perfect off white sweater dress for me.
    * Some wedding planners on the East Coast are now following me on Twitter--CallieSimon--now that's a paws up. Maybe we should relocate.

  12. Change of plans. Going to elope in Sept. Found the grr-eatest dog-friendly spot--famous as Lake Tahoe. Imagine that. Will share when it happens. We're wagging our tails for the big event. No people. Mother Nature big-time. Pools, hot tubs, fireplace, river, forest, and so much more!!! It will be so romantic. A perfect setting for two loving canines and their devoted mistress.